Monday, December 22, 2008

Day 1 with the Boys

Sorry for the delay. It has been a very busy 4 days. I'll fill in a day at a time.

I realize this is long (as it is a diary as well as news). You can skim it, or wait for the Cliff's Notes, if pressed for time.

Day 0:

We arrived in Lugansk (as I mentioned earlier). We checked into a very nice flat owned by Nikolai and Nadia. Nikolai and I hit it off well given our names (and that it was St. Nicholas' Day).

That afternoon, we went to a small town called Lutugino (loo-too-geen'-oh). At least that's the closest English spelling I can think of. The Cyrillic is

Лутугине.

It is a small city of about 80,000 about 1/2 hour south of Lugansk.

We met Friday afternoon with the inspector, a very friendly fellow by the name of Andre. I think I mentioned all this earlier. Here is the outside of the building at the main square of Lutugino.










So on to Saturday (Day 1):

We got to the orphanage ("Lutugino Internot" or "Lutigino Boarding House") at about 9am. They had had several parties for St, Nicholas Day on Friday, so the place was well decorated for Christmas. Unfortunately (but understandably), they do not allow photography in the orphanage so I cannot show them to you. But I do have one I took of the outside of the orphanage. It consists of 2 buildings (1 for bedrooms, and the other for schoolrooms and administration) as well as playgrounds.

Here is the building for sleeping.

We met the orphanage director at 9am. She was a pleasant lady in her 50s. Like the inspector meetings the day before, we mainly sit there with smiles on our faces while they converse in Russian with our facilitator Natasha. After about 5 minutes she turns to us and asks a rash of questions. Pretty much the same as before. She asked several questions with regard to our ability to afford to raise two additional children. Apparently, she was satisfied.

We were expecting more questions when suddenly, in walked R and V (as mentioned before, we feel it best to withhold their names until our court date makes everything official).

They are tiny little guys. We had thought their SDA pictures were a couple of years old (as is typical). It turns out, they must have been very recent. At 10 (as of 01/09) and 7, the boys could easily pass for 6-7 and 4-5. They both walked in as shy polite kids with huge smiles. They have blond hair, gappy teeth, and great big grins. They are buttons (as in "cute as...").

She told them we were coming because we wanted to take them to live with us in America and was that ok with them. They both nodded. We were a bit taken aback, as we thought it was a bit too early for that question (more on that later), as it would increase the trauma if we were to say "no" to them for some reason. On the other hand, they probably knew why we were there anyway, so I guess it doesn't matter. Anyway, what's done is done. So from then on, we were "Mama" and "Papa".

We sat them on our laps and pulled out the Lego presents. That was a huge hit. They opened all the bags and smashed a few lego pieces together. But mainly, they wanted to put together the Lego people and play with decals and the little guns that came with it. Not knowing the boys yet (and based on the suggested age on the box of 6+), we got Lego sets with about 350 pieces. That was way over their heads and attention spans. On the other hand, they loved it, so the gifts were a success.

We played together with the boys in the Director's office for about 10 minutes. Satisfied with our introduction, she allowed us to go into a common area of the orphanage with the boys to get better acquainted. Let's just say they feld pretty comfortable with us right away.

As Nancy mentioned, R (the 10 year old) is a very polite, very meticulous boy. He puts his things away neatly. Actually, he tried to put everything away exactly as he found it. With each toy piece back in its original slot in the marketing package. He talks a lot, is trying hard to learn English words (with a very cool accent), and is very polite. At the same time, he is very energetic and leaps (literally) into my arms every couple of minutes. I haven't dropped him yet, but since he gives no warning, it is bound to happen sooner or later. He can sit quietly for a long time as well when he must, and seems very diligent. He tries to take care of his things, and would not put his Lego set down (or let anyone hold it) on the playground for fear it might get dirty. He clearly gets along well with his brother V and I can see that they play, wrestle, laugh, argue, and fight. In other words, they are brothers.

V (the 7 year old) is a younger clone of R, though with a somewhat different personality. He is careful with his things, but not as much. He is demonstrative like R, but moreso. He has an incredible amount of energy. He got a bit overexcited the first day and did a lot of yelling (which was a bit concerning). But he also is loving, fun, and creative. He can sit still but for shorter periods (and he is younger after all). He does respond well to his caregivers so clearly is not out of control (in case you are wondering).

Both boys are agile. They do lots of somersaults and roundoffs. R can almost stand on his hands. V is better with the somersaults. They also like wheelbarrow races. So despite their size, they are strong.

We played Airplane (or "samolyat" in Russian) for about 2 hours I think. Nancy and I lie on our backs and put our feet on their stomachs, hold their hands, and launch them into the air. V will let go and make wings with his arms. R really doesn't. Instead he tries to do a handstand on my hands. I know we are going to bump heads soon.

Hide and Seek is also big. That was probably another hour. There were only about 5 places to hide in the room, but we mix it up as well as we can.

After these games, V was pretty wound up. He started leaving the room (which apparently they can do at will most of the time, but he was supposed to stay in while we were there). While herding him back up the stairs after one of his jaunts, he suddenly turned around and launched through the air down 4 steps into my arms. He knew I would catch him. These boys give me a lot more credit than I probably deserve, but I did get him.

The boys showed us around the room at the artwork of the students on the walls. Sometimes, it was to tell us the Russian name for Cat or Dog, or to show us the various Ukrainian symbols as we walk by each. V would point at each and say "Ooo-krah-ee-nah. Ooo-krah-ee-nah. Ooo-krah-ee-nah." as we walked by each. They also pointed out cossacks on the murals. Then they would count things for us. They like to show off.

When the ladies announced it was time to go, the boys carefully packed up their toys, gave us HUGE hugs, put on their coats, said "da svedaniya" and left. They really can follow a regimen when they know what to expect.

We ate lunch at a nearby cafe and discussed the morning.

We saw they were pretty cool kids and a lot of fun. The only real area of concern was V's shouting. Not continuously shouting of course, but very often. Need to learn more. We were hoping that a chance to calm down might make him a little less rambunctious.

Not really. The afternoon was a continuation of the morning. More hide and seek. More samolyat. More standing in the window shouting "I've got a papa. I've got a mama".

I don't mean to make that sound too negative. There was lots of very good behavior. But while both boys are energetic, V is in a class by himself.

One huge hit was Nancy's mime. For those that don't know, Nancy studies mime extensively in high school and is very good. She has one routine about making masks. She mimes painting the masks and putting them on and off, changing very silly faces.

Actually, we did that in the morning. In the afternoon, the boys suddenly jumped up in front of us and wanted to perform the mask routing for us. It was really neat. They both make great faces. R seems to do it a bit better, but V has more creative faces he makes.

We played for about an hour and a half, then repeated the big hugs, carefully putting away toys, putting on coats and boots, waving, and saying "da svedaniya". And out they went.

As it was about 3:30 and pitch black (we're 47 degrees north latitude and are at the far eastern end of our time zone), we went back to Lugansk.

It was a busy, tiring day, but great fun. We like the boys very much, but definitely want to see them in different environments to see behavior and hear more from caregivers and teachers. Still, I'd have to say I was about 80-85% sure these were the kids after the first meeting. Pretty good odds, I thought.

I'll catch up with Day 2 tomorrow.

7 comments:

NCMeekins said...

Be careful what you set your heart upon ... for it will surely be yours. James Baldwin.
These young men sound like perfect young men - filled with life and hope. It is a wondrous thing this thing you are pursuing. Follow your generous heart - it has served you well (I can only vouch since seventh grade but ...)
With His Love, Chris

Anonymous said...

What an amazing thing you guys are doing. I'm speechless. We are praying for you and thinking of you often. Thanks for sharing with this us through this website. We'll continue to follow your experience. Hope you have a wonderful Christmas. Love, Deb

Anonymous said...

Enjoyed your descriptions so much. It makes me want to fall in love with the boys myself. They sound OK, perfectly normal, just anxious and excited. You would be, too, if you were about to have a Mama and Papa, both attractive/pretty/handsome. Did you tell us what color hair, eyes, skin the boys have?? High cheekbones, do they look slavic or American or what?
Guess you will have a white Christmas for sure. Wish we were there with you. Love, Mom/Connie & Henry

Anonymous said...

Hi there, Shirley and I are here in Ohio. Nick, thanks for a terrific writeup. Barbara sent you a message last night, Were having troubles getting skype installed on nicks computer. Will try Brandons.The two boys sound great. More later.

Anonymous said...

Thanks, Nick, for the long version of your day 1, looking forward to the next days, never mind the Cliff Notes. We are following too closely. These guys sound great. You expect excitement, especially from a 7-year old.
I must say, it sounds like the Orphanage director sort of sandbagged you with her introduction to the boys. But that could be because she was SOLD on you.

I have noticed on other sibling adoptions (ie. Higgins and through them the Smiths) that the children have been coached or have figured out for them selves what will be most helpful to make you make up your minds in their favor. In each case the older one is slightly reserved and the younger one is totally enthusiastic. But again, this may be the guiding light you are looking for.
If I sound negative, I'm not. I'm already sold. And I have to recall Colin's admonition, accepting one set could mean you are turning someone else down. And by Higgin's and Smith's adoption, it seems to have worked out wonderfully, at least by the early returns.
How long have the boys been orphaned. Are there other family around? Check out the Smith's, There was a great grandma. It broke my heart to see her in their final meeting. I know she must have been there during the Nazi occupation and probably when the man-of-steel was trying to starve them out in the 30s. The sadness in her eyes was almost beyond endurance.
All in all, I know you are the right parents, but there are other things to be consideered.
Looking forward to your updates and would like to hear Nancy's take also. Also, if you have time, to continue our other research also, re: Lugansk
It's been exactly fifty years since my last encounter with Cyrilic, but I read that as LutuginYEH. But fifty years is a long long time.

Nick said...

I'm not sure why it is Lutigino (instead of "yeh"), but that is what our driver said.

It would not be "yeh", I think, because the last syllable is not stressed, so the "e" would be "eh". But I don't know why it is "oh". I guess there are exceptions to the rule

Anonymous said...

Perhaps I couldn't make out the letter properly. Your type went small at that point and the e may have had dots over it in which case it would be "oh" or rather "owh" sort of the way they would say owhful in the Bronx. (for awful, or 'cowhfee"
But there are exceptions all over Russia. The accent I was supposed to have learned would be proper in St. Petersburg and Moscow. It would vary in other parts of the country.